KIDS AND DIETING

[lynda]

This is quite a difficult topic but I am really upset at the moment with a mum I know and I guess I wondered how others felt.

Her daughter is 17 is about 5ft 4 and I consider her to be slim.  She is not as slim as her sister who is about 5ft and her mum has taken her to that other place where you have to buy your food.  I know she is, or actually was about 50kg before she started.  Her Mum doesn't want anyone knowing and the poor girl is sneaking around eating her food.

How can I help!! I know its none of my business but I worry for her.  Food is always a big issue in the house and eating out with them is diabolical - constant arguments over what anyone is allowed.

Carolyn, what do you think we should do if our kids are over weight.  I know this isn't the answer and I sometimes feel like "smacking" the Mum.  The poor girl is all I can say!!

Maybe someone has some ideas on this and how we get the kids to eat healthier options. 
Ta
Lynda

[mollykate]

Hi Lynda

I understand your concern but I wonder if JC would allow the girl to join if her weight was that low. Anything under 54kgs would be underweight according to her BMI and she would have to be over 67kgs to just be overweight on the same scale. Maybe you could phone them and ask what their policy is. I  guess the other side of the problem is how close are you to this other mum and how concerned about the daughter areyou. Sometimes we just need to stick our noses into other peoples business even if it may affect a friendship. I know of a mum whose 8 year old daughter is overweight and is still allowed to scoff anything she likes. It's really hard to watch at get togethers and just as awkward to bring the subject up. This mother is incredibly self absorbed and very image conscious. I often think she'd be better spending less time worrying how she looks and more about her daughter. The daughter has an average sized twin and you can just see the self esteem issues the bigger one is going to end up with   

Good luck with your dilemma 

[kiwigirl]

Since the girl is 17, can you give her some positive feedback? Develop a relationship with her, rather than going through her mother.

[lynda]

Wow, Kiwigirl how simple was that.  Ta for that.  I have a friend that often drops her at the gym (poor thing forced to diet and exercise!!!)  I can get her to do that as I don't see her so often.

Also, Mollykate - I really appreciate the things you said.

Ta very much

[Mad Cow]

I also am concerned about kids and dieting. But mine is at the other end. My darling daughter DOES need to diet. Poor child grew up around all my bad habits, and has been at boarding school during my campaign, so isn't always here to reap the benefits of healthy lifestyle change. The choices at school are very limited and remind me of the school dinners on Jamies kitchen. She is just a little bit fussy and so will go looking for an alternative if it's not something she likes. She isn't worried about her weight, and it doesn't affect her making friends, so should I worry or leave it for now. She is 15, extremely unfit, and quite overweight. (I actually have no idea what she weighs) is only 5ft 2', I am hoping that without pressure and as long as the healthy options are at home (she knows the diet fairly well) her time will come........just as mine did!

[kiwigirl]

My friend who I walk with has a very obese boarder. She eats ice cream EVERY night as well as a packet of chocolate biscuits. Chips and burgers are standard lunchtime fodder. She doesn't have breakfast.

I think if I was her, I wouldn't have the treats in my house. Personally, I'd feel resentful having someone like that in my house - it's probably different when it's your own child, maybe. If the girl wants to gorge herself, she could do it at her own expense, not mine. I suppose the same principle would apply if it were my child - they seem to find money for the things they really want, don't they?

I'd probably have to accept the title of being a hard woman!

[lynda]

I read your comments MC.  I have a daughter a size 8 and another a size 18/20.
Although I have tried to help i know I can't do it for them.  The 8 used to be about a 12 and unlike her sister and I she stops eating much when she is stressed and the other eats like her Mum when she is stressed or upset.

I don't know the answer.  I think like us, they have to make the decision and we are not like my friend who drags her daughter to JC and gives her a terrible view of herself.  I give up really.

Both have lots of friends and seem happy in their lives now and I wish I could motivate the overweight one to do something but I can't.  Her meals are healthy and she is strict on her 11month old, but its her snacks that are the problem.  I believe if chocolate was "invented" today it would be a banned substance!!! Haha - I wish.

Lynda